(Lifetime) Mr. Louboutin gets a two-girl massage this week
This week's episode of The Client List kicks off with a kinky massage right off the bat! Fair enough, last week's episode was a little light on the nudity (if you missed it, you can read our recap of the season premiere right here), and let's be real, we're not watching a Lifetime drama about a happy endings massage parlor for the costume design.
Speaking of costume design, Riley (Jennifer Love Hewitt) is wearing a purple and black bustier as the credits roll back... and she's working on a client who takes an extra 30 minutes to, ahem, you know—and cries, to boot! We learn that Riley's hurt her right arm through overexertion—turns out with three of last season's masseuses out of the picture, she's scheduling herself up to 18 clients a day. That's enough to throw out anyone's shoulder. To solve her short-staff problem, she decides to hire more massage therapists.
"If I've learned one thing about men, it's that they like all types," Riley tells her best friend Lacey Jean (Rebecca Field), who knows the truth about The Rub, where Riley works. Riley winds up hiring an ex-stripper community college student called Nikki Shannon (Laura Leigh) who tells her, "I got my massage license so I wouldn't have to take off my clothes at lunch for horny guys and lousy tips."
We also learn that Selena is the only one who offers more than handjobs at the spa.Riley heads over to Harold's, where her former boss, Georgia (Loretta Devine) is now manager—"If there's one thing I"ve learned all these years at The Rub in Sugarland, it's how to give a man a hand," Georgia says, oh ha ha, so many handjob jokes in this episode. Riley tries to make her first payment on the spa in cash, but Georgia refuses to accept the money, demanding that the entire transaction be conducted aboveboard. Riley promises to bring her a check.
In the meantime, Kyle's (Brian Hallisay
) bail hearing was moved up and, because the judge determined that he was a flight risk, the court's set bail at $75,000. If he wants to get out, Riley would have to pony up $7,500 immediately—money she doesn't have. Behind prison bars, Kyle makes a deal with a prisoner who's about to be released—he promises to look out for this man's nephew in jail. The best part of this deal? It's made in SPANISH, so there were subtitles!
At home, the kids still have no idea that anything is wrong, but they have a play date to rehearse for the school play. In the middle of a play date with the bank manager (Tammy Townsend
) and her son Ethan, Georgia calls Riley and tells her she needs to make sure the client list is "good and hidden."
Riley freaks out and stashes it inside a stuffed armadillo toy as the police show up with a search warrant. But they're not looking for a client list—no, they're looking for cash. Turns out Kyle's accomplice sold the copper wire they stole the night before and the cops are convinced that Riley's got the cash stashed in the house somewhere. Of course, she doesn't, so they find nothing.
That night, the prison guy that Kyle made a deal with (in SPANISH! With SUBTITLES!) shows up at Riley's door and hands her a paper bag full of $100 bills. She doesn't know what to do with the money, so she takes it to the spa with her.
Unlucky for her, the detectives show up at the spa and demand to search the premises. Smart Riley demands to see a search warrant (high-five for sixth-grade lessons on the Constitution!) and they leave.
Riley takes the bag of cash down to a construction site to try to bargain Kyle's way out of jail. She gives the cash to the man who's pressing charges against Kyle. He takes the cash, but refuses to drop the charges.Distraught, Riley heads over to Harold's to speak with Georgia. Georgia promises to call her judge friend—who just so happens to be Mr. Louboutin from last week!—to see if she can't get the detectives off Riley's back. It works... and in return, all Mr. Louboutin wants is a two-girl Louboutin massage! For this steamy session, he brings over a pair of black dragon-embroidered special-edition "Lady Peep" platforms and a pair of red patent "Bianca" stilettos.
We're pretty sure that the Louboutins are this show's number-one costume expense—because they're certainly not spending a whole lot on other outfits, like Riley's dodgy strapless mini-dress and knee-high slouchy suede stiletto boot combo she wears on her mini-golf date with Evan:
Speaking of Evan (Colin Egglesfield
), Riley's brother-in-law boyfriend who's the best guy in the world, he sets up a picnic for him and Riley where he promises her: "I'm not giving up getting us to where we need to go." Swoon. Riley's mom Linette (Cybill Shepherd
) figures out that Riley and Evan are seeing each other.
The next day at work, Manny the detective shows up at the end of the day and brings Riley a chorizo burrito (?). He tells her that the search warrant wasn't granted, but that she shouldn't let herself get more involved in Kyle's hijinks.
With the feds lurking around, Riley gets nervous and, that night, drives out to the middle of nowhere and buries The Client List (the actual notebook with the client list inside) in the ground. Literally, in the ground. Seems like a amateur bad move, but hey.
At home the next morning, she looks like she's had a ton of bricks lifted off her shoulders. All of a sudden, everything is fine again. Evan even shows up with coffee, though he looks like he got into a brawl the night before (he has a knack for punching people). Evan and Riley finally get a minute alone together and start getting naked when the doorbell rings. It's Detective Manny with some bad news—Riley's mom has been in an accident.
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