The big 'Un-Friend'
Y'see this Toxic Friend syndrome exists, its not just an idea, oh no, this syndrome, it is more than real. What I assumed started as a healthy fun friendship would soon turn into something that I doubt even the people that dislike me would struggle to inflict on me. Dont get me wrong, they never said things outright, but at that moment, with my eyes glazing over at that status I knew that this so-called simple friendship I thought belonged to me, really was a load of crap and in fact this person had drained me, drained me of myself and drained me of the ability to even be a friend.
However the circumstances around why we were friends, well, that wasn't an easy one. We have/had mutual friends/connections and therefore to even contemplate pressing that button seemed near on impossible. Often our emotional history will cause us to cling to to a relationship which we know has passed its sell by date, yet despite me knowing this I still couldn't press that button.
However, here we are in 2013. Did I mention I'm going to be 29 soon? well, I am... scary... and for the first time in 9 years I love my life. There are things that need help moving along, but as a whole, dare I say it, IN ME, I am happy. Y'see for years I had an eating disorder, and alongside this I ruined whatever relationship I had with myself. I dont mind talking about it now, I actually hope that by talking about it I might help people, but the one thing I never thought I would have to deal with would be, a 'friend' taking me back to the dark depths of despair, the ones I had with my body and myself when I was suffering.
My toxic friendship took me right back there. How? well imagine being asked how much you weigh on a weekly basis..... Imagine being shown photo's of them and being told in depth about how much weight they are losing..... Imagine being told that 'you dont half eat alot dont you' the comment just compounded onto me, every day, every time I logged..... but today, I'm done.
Done with that.
It took me years to better myself, to get healthy, to smile and to be me again - the curvy, voluptuous girl I am. I am finally at ease with ME, yet I read these comments and all I felt was that familiar hatred for myself again. That's got to be toxic right?
Y'see, today I pressed the un-friend button. It felt good, I felt alive, I felt I'd accepted life, and closed the door on the past. I dont need a 'Friend' that opens that dark door again. I have grown so much more than just my age.
*Please note that if the person should be reading this (which I doubt) please understand why I feel we cant be friend*